Do you remember what its like go to work in an environment of conflict? People scowl at each other and disrespect co-workers. People in conflict invest all their energies to take advantage at other people's expense. When you sit at a meeting with these people, you can see their anger and feel their frustration. They show disrespect to a co-worker's idea even if the idea is sound. Meetings are difficult and the participants themselves bring it all on. Solutions that are generated from these groups are usually one sided and rarely benefit the group. People spend a large amount of time gossiping, politicking, and jockeying for power. When team members don't trust each other and spend time promoting personal agendas it's difficult to accomplish the task at hand. These situations are difficult but they don't have to be destructive. This month we will explore the nature of conflict and provide some guidelines to help you discover some surprising insights into the group dynamic process.

The Truth about Conflict
The idea of conflict generates images of dread and ugly arguments. This is a common perception of conflict but it's really not accurate. Most people have learned to avoid conflict because they think it is unpleasant and destructive. The reality is that conflict is an opportunity for growth and allows for an exchange of new ideas. If conflict is handled correctly, alternate viewpoints are actively considered from all sources producing innovative solutions. In a world where we value diversity and promote globalization, the ability to respectfully listen and consciously consider alternate viewpoints is a profound skill. Group skills apply to the team situations and business culture with striking similarities and I will speak to both as potential high performance groups.

The Double Win
I speak frequently about the double win and that's a situation in which all parties benefit from decisions. This is the best solution to group work but it requires that all team members follow the mission, know their strengths and encourage the group dynamic. If a solution benefits one person at the expense of another it's a win- loss situation. The loser is now angry and focuses energies to get back at the winner another day. This sows the seeds of destruction and must be avoided. When all members of a team contribute energies toward a solution, communication is better, identity is promoted and effective performance is achieved. This is a double win scenario.

The Seeds of Conflict
When working with other people we need to recognize our personal biases and needs before we can widen our personal skills to be effective. You see, we learn our biases and reinforce them with selective information as we gain experiences. We tend to stick with these biases even when presented with information that indicates we should change. Now if you don't like the person presenting the information you will find ways to protect yourself and your biases can become destructive. Remember why we are in the game. Team members must play inside the system and trust abilities of their teammates in order to be effective. Similarly, board members must trust their teammates to collaborate and achieve the double win. I've just spoken about how to encourage board members to be more like "teammates". However, we must be careful here because there is a definite difference in the way a sporting team must compete and an administrative team must collaborate. In athletics, the nature of the game has insisted we compete against ourselves to improve, with our teammates for playing time with other teams for results. We are taught that there will be a winner and a loser for every game. This mind set is a formidable concept ingrained deeply in the competitive ethos of players. We must remember that working on boards is not a competitive endeavor. It is a collaborative endeavor. A high performance board learns to co-operate and gain strength from all of its members regardless of power of influence. Collaborative efforts are based in an environment of open, safe communication. Just as players must learn to trust each other abilities, board members need to learn how to collaborate. When you look at the soccer world, we interact with various nations, players, administrators, coaches and corporations all playing various roles in the game. With these influences comes a myriad of status, power and influence. Conflict inevitably arises in this environment but that's OK. We just need to identify how people can more skillfully integrate new ideas regardless of status, power or influence. If you have ever listened to people describe an auto accident, you will hear dramatically different stories. "That guy was going 100 miles an hour, ran a red light and smashed into my car. What a moron!" On the other side you may hear, "I was driving the speed limit and this (emphatic gestures) jerk pulls out in front of me without signaling!" We all interpret the world from our own perspective and this can be problematic in a collaborative setting.

Sources of Conflict
Now the sources of conflict may be obvious. That guy is really difficult to get along with; he's loud and doesn't care about anyone else. Yes, personality clashes may fuel personal conflict. We all have to realize that in order for people to function and be happy their needs must be met. If we don't know what people want or need we'll misread their ideas and replace our own perceptions in their place. This is how we begin to sow the seeds of interpersonal conflict. The solution is to identify why you are involved and how you can support the group. An awareness of how people operate is also critical to success. Now you don't need to completely buy into another person's perspective but you do need to know the "how's and why's" of their behaviors. Once you understand where they are coming from, you can get past the superficial characteristics to see potential contributions they make to the effort. Sources of conflict can be fueled by competition within the team for material resources such as, time, money, power or status. If there is no mission or goals set initially by the group, people will create destructive cliques to acquire these scarce resources. When the rules for conduct and behavior are not clear people feel overlooked and insulted. With a lack of mission, people will subscribe to their own philosophy, such as "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", and they will behave to fulfill these ideals. Another teammate will believe that "quiet contributions are key to team success". You can predict that in the first opportunity these differing perceptions will come into conflict and the process of destruction is fueled. Unclear roles on a team will also contribute to conflict. If every player thinks, they are brilliant goal scorers the team will be very poor. Similarly, if every board member thinks their responsibility is player selection then group needs will go unmet.

Communication is the Key Skill
At the core of conflict lies a communication difficulty. People in conflict are not listening and usually don't have channels to communicate safely or effectively. They may have been embarrassed or humiliated in public and vowed to get that person back. I recommend that during team building and board retreats, members explore and identify personal communication styles. The results can be dramatic and help to create optimal team environments.

Styles of Conflict Resolution
When you strike a ball you do so with your dominant foot. When you write, you use your dominant hand. Did you know you have a dominant style to deal with conflict? In situations that are pressure packed you will revert to your dominant style very quickly. Therefore, we need to explore our personal conflict resolution styles and how they affect the double win. Here are some of the differing styles people utilize to mediate conflict. During our team building sessions we try to identify both communication and conflict resolution style. It's an enlightening process that can dramatically affect the group dynamic process.

The Predator - The predator can intimidate and kill all prey. Whatever the issue they will find a way to run down opponents and win. This may be the worst style because predators alienate people, promote distrust and rarely integrate solutions for the double win

The Ostrich - When an ostrich is afraid they stick their head in the sand and hope danger will pass. In group work, people don't go away by sticking their heads in the sand, instead they form destructive cliques, speak behind closed doors, form petty alliances and work against the mission of the group.

The Haggler - This style seeks for a middle road and all parties to give up something. This is really the lose-lose situation and may least impact on the task at hand. The haggler may be quick to gain a solution but inevitably both parties feel they have given in to a mediocre solution.

The Paramedic - This is a person who comes in and puts a band-aid quick fix on a serious problem and doesn't really address the serious causes or long-term effects of a situation. Yes, people are not yelling at each other but they are not pursing innovation in a safe environment. Avoiding the real conflicts send personal agendas behind closed doors quickly. This is not the double win.

The King - When you use your authority to come in and fix a problem you can squash people's ability to talk but you inflame their emotions and build resentment. Parents use this style when they say, " You will do what I say because I'm your mother". Yes, you can temporarily stop conflict but innovation and motivation are also squashed. The conflict arises again in a different form and you have set up a pattern of revolt.

The Role or Clear Leadership?
We are learning that conflict is a normal process and can be a potential source of innovative solutions. One of the key components to team function is clear leadership. Leadership can influence expectations of behavior and norms for the group. The coach or president needs to clearly define standards that allow for the groups' safety and risk-taking in a collaborative atmosphere. These standards will determine how much members trust each other, communicate ideas and ultimately perform. Leaders can shape groups by guiding past the last major event the group has encountered or using the change that new group members bring. The influence of clear mission statements can help to focus group energies. From mission statements priorities are established and energies can be directed constructively. Group leaders can create safe communication and guide discussions to stay on track with the mission.

Resolution Skills that Work
High performing teams are great to be around. People communicate openly, they are cohesive and performances are fantastic. The keys for creating these teams are not complicated.

• Always seek solutions that support the double win.
• Direct all behaviors and energies toward the mission.
• Direct personal skills to contribute uniquely to the group.
• Promote active listening skills and open communication.
• Separate personal perceptions and bias from the real issues.
• Learn your communication style and conflict resolution style.

The last suggestion is to always enjoy the process of group work. You will not solve all the worlds' problems with one decision, so small baby steps are reasonable victories. We are all involved in the process of making the soccer world more productive and healthy for all participants. Collaboration should be energizing an honorable experience where we all taste the double win.
Play On.

Dan Freigang Ph.D., is a sport scientist working with the U.S. National Team in Sport Psychology. Dano travels the country doing clinics and workshops with players, parents and coaches. Dano was an international athlete and national team coach who presents his workshops as a unique blend of scientist and coach. He is currently in private practice and invites your comments and inquiries. Caldan@earthlink.net (801) 392-4762

Now its game time. Lets see what you have learned by taking this true or false quiz.

1.	Conflict is a normal, healthy process.	True	False
2.	The best solution is the winner-loser scenario	True	False
3.	Conflict is based on personal perception and biases	True	False
4.	Talk is cheap, its action that will solve problems	True	False
5.	We learn and reinforce our conflict style over time	True	False

Answers: 1=True | 2=False | 3=True | 4=False | 5=True