A picture is worth a thousand words
The destructive effects of parents behaving badly is suffered most by their own children. Why? Because children learn by watching. If they witness screaming, hitting and cursing the probability of a child acting in that fashion increases. This finding, provided by the prominent psychologist Albert Bandura from Stanford University supports the notion that people will learn and be shaped by the environment around them. It is called social learning. Social learning provided us with the framework that exposed poor quality television and poor role models as destructive to our children. If our kids are watching tacky talk shows with sensationalistic topics, view poor athletic role models and watch destructive images in movies, those are all negatively influences that impact upon our kids. Yes, there is a small number of some public service spots that promote dignified behavior and these are helpful. However, if you measure out how much poor quality exposure is produced, you recognize that kids are bombarded with conflicting role expectations everyday. Children are expected to be courageous, truthful and helpful. There is a mixed message when during play their attention is drawn to Billy Bob in the stands shouting at his child with incomprehensible coaching one minute and berating a referee the next. Apparently Billy Bob, having never learned sport, has somehow gleaned that the soccer coach and referee do not know soccer. Do you think this might be a source of conflict for a child?
Many sociological experts recognize a moral decay in our society as a whole. These changes appear in our culture at every level. Thomas Tutko, a sport psychologist from San Jose state comments upon this phenomenon. "This shows the degree to which we have gotten out of control, many parents have lost sight of the purpose of sports, they are asking if my kid is going to win and get a scholarship".
What about role models for adults? Adults are at risk as well. We often apply entertainment roles from professional sports upon youth games. Its completely inappropriate because the youth game is based upon development and enjoyment. The professional game is based upon media, sensationalism and commerce. Have you seen the advertisement on television that promotes an upscale SUV with father shuttling between swim meet and soccer game? What is the real message here? The message is that you're a "cool" parent if you work like crazy and shuttle your kids around in that vehicle, without understanding the true meaning of sport. It's not about busing kids and making them little professionals, youth sport is about growth, development and joy.
The other destructive influence in our culture is the idea of being fanatical. Where do we learn that its acceptable to fanatically abuse people at sporting events? We come back to social learning again. Have you seen the image that the NFL is promoting on television? They show Billy Bob again, a 270 pound fat boy, who on Sunday morning puts on his jersey to watch a game on TV while jamming his face with cheesy poofs. The following message urges the viewers, "its what football is all about". What a load of rubbish. Don't get me wrong, football is a fantastic game requiring supreme amounts of athleticism, strength, courage and organization. But this is not football. The NFL is teaching passive, uninformed voyeurism and that's part of the problem that has crept into our youth games. We need a higher standard for our children's experiences.
One of our country's prominent sport sociologist is Richard Lapchick from Northeastern University, advocates strong measures for abusive parents. "Very few programs around the country have taken the approach that if you have a parent cross the line, you can't attend games anymore".
Dan Freigang Ph.D. is a sport scientist working with the U.S.S.F. in Sport Psychology. Dano travels the country doing clinics and workshops with clubs and individuals. Dano was an internationally ranked athlete and national team coach and he presents his skills as a unique blend of scientist and coach. He is currently in private practice and invites your comments and inquiries. Caldan@Earthlink.net (801) 392-4762.
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